superficiality to return soon

a quick update:

1: i don't need surgery on my foot, apparently er docs are just asses.

2: i can finally wear normal shoes again! no more fudiculously ugly boot (thanks kq for that amazingly useful word)

3: i found the exact shoes i ruined in the "crap it all to hell #2 poo happens" this weekend at dsw and this time they were %40 off... kick ass, yes.

4: i will be posting more often, but will stick to the important things, superficiality and tv w/ some music and poo talk in there too!

5: public bathrooms are disgusting. please tell me why someone would feel the need to redecorate a stall w/ their feces? and how is it possible for them to get it on the entire underside of the seat, the back of the toilet and the wall behind it. that's talent. or a lot of taco bell. i know i won't be inviting the general public over to my place to "redecorate" my bathroom. i almost took a picture, but couldn't bring myself to. though now i wish i would have. (got to the poo talk right away didn't i?)

6: i lost 2 more pounds bring me from 187 to a grand total of 160! i think i need to post pics of the dramatic transformation... i used to be 210 in high school... i was such a cow. how did i have friends?

7: you must watch kathy griffin: my life on the d list wednesday nights at 10. i soil myself every week watching it.

8: i owe you a song of the week.... what are the kids listening to these days? who cares! i'm in love w/ my samantha mumba unreleased tracks. especially point of view. and you may want to sit down for this exciting news... those crazy russian lezzies are back, t.A.T.u. is releasing a new album soon!

9: i will never make it to work on time.

10: go go healing banana!

don't worry i'm all right, but my right shoes are not happy!

ok, so thursday night i hear my phone ring, it's charging in the living room and i was sitting on my bed watching t.v./checking email/surfining the net (what can i say i'm a multi-tasker) so i get up and proceed to whack my foot against my ottoman(look i can spell it now, I had no idea at the emergency room, yes, that's right e.r., but we'll get there in a minute), see the culprit below. now we have all stubbed our toes before, but this one really hurt. i proceed to crawl along the floor to my cell, i see it was kq who called (to whom i also blame all of this for ;) j/k, no, i'm not). so i return her call and get voicemail where i'm sure i sound like i'm about to cry. i proceed to crawl along the florr and cry in pain to rr, who asks me if i'm being dramatic. now please understand i never really cry out in pain, i rarely go tot he doctor and rarely get sick, i like to pretend i'm not sick even if i am. so i'm like no, it really hurts, i think i broke my toe. his reply is great, so do i have to take you to the e.r.? i proceed to take my sock off and sure enough, my toe is pointing in a direction it hasn't pointed before. so i tell rr the i really think i broke my toe. his response was that he really didn't have time for this since he was studying for his class for a series 7 license. but he took me anyway. though first he has to go get my laundry from the dryer, since everything must be so difficult when something like this happens, and kq calls back while he is getting the laundry and i'm ready to pass out after seeing my toe and it hurting so bad. so we get to the e.r., though on the way rr keeps telling me i probably just stubbed it and it's fine... yeah well it's not your toe is it? (i didn't say that, but wish i had). so we get there and i tell them i think i broke my toe and then i get to wait w/ all the freaks...yay! it was around 9:20pm when we got there and the freaks were out in full force. some girl w/ a "severe ear-ache, but she was also on her cell phone the entire time. some girl whose mother was yelling at her about something and the daughter kept telling her mother to shut-up from halfway across the room since they refused to sit by each other, adorable child, excellent job at parenting. some guy w/ a laceration on his leg. some guy sleeping on the floor? a young boy (around 10) q/ his mom and aunt? who was in the e.r. the noght before for a spider bite and returned because he had been bitten 2 more times. they wer nice though, he and i looked through his i spy book while waiting. then there was some woman who was brought in b by the border patrol? i don't know what the hell was going on there. some girl right beofre us had had trouble breathing and her mother was dating some famous surfboard maker, or something like that and her showed up (yea, um he was really unattractive). the girl who kept yelling at her mother's father showed up (after she had gone back) and he proceded to fall asleep in the waiting room and snore loudly. a woman who had cut her finger got very angry at him for this and started yelling at him, though he slept through the whole thing so it didn't really do much good. at some point i was taken back to get my info down and given an ice pack which helped so much, i told the nurse she was a goddess for giving it to me. (rr had gone home to get his study materials since were were told it would be around midnight when the doctor would be able to get to me... fun!) so eventually i have to go up and sign a mile high stack of papers and finally i am taken back... or wheeled back since i couldn't walk on my own. the nurse was super nice and since i was so nice to her she let rr come back too. the doctor comes in after about 10 minutes and says so you may have broken your toe which one...oh i see which one. he was like, yeah i'm pretty sure you broke it, but we'll do x-rays to confirm. so they give me some motrin for the pain and i wait to be taken to the x-ray room. the nurse comes and picks me, a nice guy, though i wish it had been another one cause he was much cuter, but those w/ broken toes can't be choosers. let me just say hospitals are creepy. i have never broken anything before or gone to the e.r. before and being wheeled through the empty halls of a hospital at midnight was not fun. i have to lie on a table and turn my foot this way and that way and then i get wheeled back. the docter comes in and is like, yup, you broke it.



and i'm like great. but also wanted to do an i told you so to rr. the doctor asks if i would like a vicodin now so that i don't have to go and wait for a prescription that night. so i took him up on the offer. he also informs me that i need to see an orthopedic doctor and that they may have to put a pin in my toe becasue of the way i broke it, great again. the break is on a diagonal on the bone rethaer than horizontally. then martha (pronounced mar-ta) comes in to wrap my toes together. since i broke my middle toe she wrapped the 3 center toes together, luckily i was distracted during this as a super fun nurse came in w/ my vicodin. i was like, is it ok that i already took a motrin, and she was like sure, since it wasn't a narcotic. i was like what is this going to do to me, the biggest drug i've ever taken is a clariton, and she was like honey, this ain't no clariton. (love her!) so i take it and she tells me not to drive and that it will show up in my urine for 48 hours so if i have to take a drug test. the martha is all done! and she goes to get me a shoe and crutches. she returns and i'm like oh, that's fabulous! at leats it's black so i can wear it w/ almost anything! she laughed at this (i noticed more and more nurses walked by my room... of course i was the fab gay patient that everyone loves!). super fun nurse returns w/ my sign out papers and tells me that i need to see an ortho doctor as soon as possible, honey. i was like will it be okay if i have to go on monday? she's like it'll be fine honey. then she leaves and while i'm waiting for matha to return the first nurse, who gave me the ice pack walks by and i thank her again and she says you're welcome sweetie, love her too! so martha gets back and teaches me how to use the cruthes. i get let go and we head for home. rr says someting that pisses me off in the hallway and i snap back at him. i then proceed to get ready for bed and all i wanna do is sleepa nd wake up in the morning and have all this be a bad dream. oh and the icing on the cake, the wristband they gave me w/ my name written in permanent marker proceeds to rub-off all over my new fav shirt (it's so cute and i look great in it and it's a small, kq will confirm this)! great, why must my fav fashion items always get ruined? why must i be punished more after being sentenced to this boot thing for a month.

of course, i got up and went to work the next morning, largely in aprt for the sympathy :) no, i had to get some stuff done that day, luckily kq picked me up and vitatwin came to pick me up and drive me around that afternoon. we went to target and filled my prescription... though i got the generic version of vicodin (hey, it was only 7 bucks) plus i got the new cool target bottles and then i got a $10 gift card for being a new pharmacy customer, woo hoo! then we go pick up my x-rays (see above) and then to toys r us... hey i needed to buy something to make myself feel better. we then eat lunch at marie calendar's, yum chicken pot pie, sometime syou just need some comfort food. we then head back to my apartment and vita twin helps me do my laundry and we just hang out and watch t.v. while we wait, thanks vitatwin!

saturday kq lets me tag along w/ her. by-the-way not getting th wraps all wet when showering is impossible, i have tried everything and no matter what, my foot gets all wet. anyways, i get to see kq's new place see some of the cute neighborhood she lives in and then we head back to my place... i hobble to my apartment to pick up the urban outfitters catalog so i can get 20 bucks off my purchase... of course i read that it expired august 1... great. so i hobble back to kq's car (i am no longer using my crutches since my under arms and palms are killing me more tha my broken toe). we go get food at this cute little restaraunt called cafe buca, it was super yum even though the service was super slow. we then head to the 3rd street promenade and go to quiksilver so that i can get a replacement shirt... i also pick up a few other things! we then go to urban, where it blows. and then to fossil so that kq can get her watch battery replaced. we check out the clothes... kq found some cute tops and i got a cute jacket and we admired the cute boys working there. then she drops me off at my place and i crash. i sleep for a couple hours, get up eat dinner and head back to bed. then i spent most of today doing nothing other than move slowly. rr and i went out to dinner (he had apologized sat. for his bad mood, he's under a lot of stress because of this test for his job.

and i finally felt up to retelling the story, it also helps that i'm currently fairly coherent. so that was my weekend in a nutshell, fun huh? i'm taking tomorrow off to go to the ortho doctor, hopefully i won't need to get a pin in my toe (cross your fingers!) i'll reportback in tomorrow, w/ the findings. and so i leave you w/ a picture of the culprit, watch out for him, he's a tricky fellow, so innocent looking, but so deadly.




goodnight. go go broken banana!

p.s. i blame the vicodin for any spelling mistakes or incoherent sentences.

ding dong the bitch is gone

i almost forgot, my horrible, horrible devil of a boss was let go/fired, whatever today, hooray! i could've danced, ok so i danced a little. it was walked out of the building before lunch, it was wonderful. i wish i could have seen it and filmed it to watch it over and over again. i haven't felt this jazzed about work in a long time. i feel like my creative juices can finally flow freely again. and since i like to leave on notes that can also act as sexual references...

go go banana (with a happy dance!)

good god look at all the freaks: part two

so were did i leave off... oh yes, i almost missed her in the camo, it's as if half of her just blends right in. so the day goes on... we had started out by heading into disneyland first to get fastpass tickets sor space mountain, by the time we got there (about 11:30am) the fast past tickets were already for between 3 and 4pm. so then we headed over to califonria adventure and went and got fastpass for soarin' as they don't expect you to have a fastpass for another park, o how i love loopholes! we then went on to pick up some churros before hitting tower of terror, too fun! of course the guy just standing at the entrance tells us we have to finish our food before we enter into the lobby, really. well then genius why don't you try not selling churros right outside of a ride then. next we walked over towards the pier area of the park, but made a stop for a cookies and cream shake for my sis and i (we shared) and vitatwin got a cone, yum! we blow through the "tour" of a real tortilla factory to grab the free torilla and head for the orange zinger swings and pick up some slushies after riding... i don't recommend the sour watermelon, it's like drinking a sour jolly rancher, not so good. so off to mulhulland madness... love it! we then we head to taste pilots grill for lunch, yummers! then we hit soarin', what a fun ride and i finally got to sit in the front row for the very first time!



after soarin we head towards disneyland and this is where we see fashion don't number 2. tell me why would you wear heels to a theme park? why would you wear super tight pants and a super tight shirt tucked into those pants... you're retarded, that's why.



damn, she's stylin. so we head on over to d-land and hit the fastpass for buzz lightyear's astro blasters (best ride ever) and get into the fast pass line for space mountain. of course, the minute we do the ride breaks down, happiest place on earth my ass. but they hand out fastpasses that are good for the rest of the day so my sis (the smart thinker that she is) says 2 of the people from our party got out of line to use the restroom since we thought we were going to have to wait a long time. and the guy gives a fastpass for 5, which works out nicely since our parents were going to join us that evening and also wanted to go on space mountain! we then go and ride jungle cruise, take a tour of the haunted mansion, where we enjoyed ice cream before-hand and hit the pirates of the carribean. then it's time for buzz' astro blasters! yay! i got to level 4 but the pic didn't get sent to my email account :(. we go and get some fruit on mainstreet (we have to eat something healthy i suppose) and then we head to the restrooms all while waiting for our parents to meet up... and we run into them at the bathrooms, what a kawinky-dink! we get in line for space mountain, there is a 1/2 wait for the fastpass line! but it was lots of fun! quite enjoyable. we then head to dinner at redd rocket's pizza port, mmm. and after we go on buzz lightyear (again!) and then head to the materhorn. after the materhorn we get some delicious ice cream on mainstreet and then head for home. it was an all around super fun day!

which brings us to saturday: (man i did a lot this weekend) where me rr, jr, vitatwin and sven all head off to a wedding in chino. of course, me rr and jr are late and miss most of the ceremony, but we made it for the food! the wedding was pretty and mn, now ma, lloked gorgeous in her dress. it was hot, there were bugs, we complained, it was the perfect evening. oh and after suing the restroom i fell down the stairs. and there was a witness. it was dark and you had to go up into the house to use the restroom. upon returning you travel back down the steps, the last step is cement and smaller than the others and i stepped right over it and some kid saw me fall as i went down w/ and oh jeezus and he asked you alright, but continued to walk by with not a twinge of even thinking of actually helping me. i was fine and returned to our table to tell everyone. we talked inappropriately at thetable and i think we offended the bridesmaid's parents, what'cha gonna do? anywho, i took a pic of the death stairs on my way out, enjoy!



and i'll leave you w/ some random shots from my new and cheap digital camera, i mean you get what you pay for, it's a bit difficult and some of the pics don't come out well, but i love it!





notice how it looks like the colum is bending (now that's quality!)

and i totally owe a sotw, but this week you get a cd of the week! i highly recommend the sky high soundtrack w/ excellent new versions of 80s songs. it features the click five, vitamin c, bowling for soup and steven strait and more, it's super, hehe.

so go go super freaky banana!

good god look at all the freaks: part one

ok i have a lot to cover so let's get down to business.

i took two days off of work, thurs and fri, and oh the things i saw this weekend.

thursday: headed down to my parents house as i was going to disneyland w/ my brother and sister the next day. and once i got to my parent's house is was a fly infestation. now, my parents have a very nice house and my mom is anally clean, so this was driving her insane. unfortunately for us, it was just the 3 of us at home to fend off the tiny invaders. we aren't sure where they came from, perhaps a recently received package had some fly eggs in it and the flies began hatching (do flies have eggs, they must right, i know they're maggots first, right?) anywho, we must have killed about 6 and when they wer all dead, after much hysterical screaming and gasping laughter we headed for dinner - at coco's. ah yes coco's land of the freaks and we were not dissapointed, the freak gods were smiling down upon us. we get to coco's and of course we have to wait, no reason, we just do, per usual. anyway we finally get led to our booth and we notice a group of about 8 women sitting at the table next to us, nowone of them had a baby and i know all babies are supposed to be adorable, but this one wasn't. as we sit down they are getting up and are just standing around the table, mind you, it's around 6pm so all the blue hairs are out in force eating their dinners before heading off to bed, so it was quite crowded. and the women continue to stand there... and all of the sudden it's turned into a semi prayer circle, now let me give a warning, i'm not religious so if i offend you, you've been warned and it's your own fault for continuing to read. so they begin a-prayin' and we can kind of hear what they are saying... apparently they are praying so that the grandmother can stand up... she is revealed after the prayer seminar breaks about 10 minutes later (they rattled on and on about crap i didn't care about) all while blocking every path the waitresses needed to use, howabout you have jesus teach you about manners and while he's at it he can "guide" you to a more suitable "prayer place" like anywhere away from me.) and she, she mog she stands! it's a friggin miracle. so once the jesus freaks leave i notice the woman sitting behind my sister, with the masterful mullet. it's pulled into a pony tail while the front is formed into, how can i describe this, a tiara. i am dubbing her queen of the mullets w/ her royal mullet style atop her head. the ladies w/ the ugly baby (shoulda prayed a little harder for a cute one) no gone also reveal one of the strangest t-shirts i have ever seen, tell me why you'd want to advertise this on your back:

crime scene cleaners
homicide, suicide
accidental deaths

how pleseant... how appetizing, thanks for sharing asswipe. then again, what can i expect i'm at coco's. on top of all this there is a blue hair convention going on in the back room where they are handing out awards at a record setting slow pace and when they finally leave, they all need separet checks...hell is coco's. oh and those baptizin' bitches left a four dollar tip, there were 8 of them (9 w/ granny can't walk) that's 50 cents each. so jesus failed to teach them proper dining ettiquette as well. jesus, what are you doing up there? and when we return home, we discover more flies have invaded our home and go about killing them all the while screaming like school girls... at least my sis has the excuse that she is a girl.

and so we move into friday: yay disneyland... and the freakshow continues (it seems jesus is answering my prayers) and this time i have pictures! thanks to my new digital camera. fashion don't one: i'm all for big is beautiful, but not in a camoflauge corset top... honey just cuz it's camo doesn't mean it's hiding anything. just say no to camo:



and because 1, it's late and 2, blogger.com is not letting me post images easily and is being a giant pain in the ass i am heading to bed, this freak show will be continued tomorrow... and yes, there's more!

go go freaky banana!

crap it all to hell #2 poo happens

ok, yes, i'm a horrible blogger, but my days have been boring and i often have no idea what to post about. so please accept my sincerest apology. of course all boring days must come to an end!

so kq and i's friend and former co-worker, sw, had her going away last thursday (i know i should have posted this long ago, but what are you gonna do?) and on our way to her party (leaving work) i apparently stepped in feces... and so the fun begins. as we are parking the car (i'm driving) i am like "what the hell is that smell? it smells like someone threw up buttery popcorn." kq couldn't smell it, but said she did because she didn't want me to think it was her, which i had already assumed:P so i just chalked it up to beautiful es (which can sometimes smell because of the rainbow factory).

so we go into the party and stay for a bit, meet sw's 'rents her were so cute! and then head out. as we get back to the car i open the door and i see something on the floormat... aww crap, literally. oh, and i did forget to mention that i'm driving my brother's car since mine was in getting new brakes... yeah merry x-mas vitatwin! at thie point kq can smell it and just makes the "poo face" you know the face you make when you smell poo. so anywho, i look at the bottom of my show and there it is doggie diarrhea all over the bottom of my beautiful ralph lauren tennis shoes. and of course, at this point i also realize i had trackes it all through the bar where sw had her party... sorry about that! luckily, i had some plastic bags and an extra pair of shoes since i had spent wednesday night at my parents since i had a dentist appointment (still no cavities, ever!, jealous?) so i had my shoes from the day before! i used the plastic bags to wrap upmy poor shoe as well as the floormat. i drop kq off and i'm in a horrible mood, all i wanted was to go home and sleep, and now i had to clean up shit. so, i picked up gloves from the store and when i got home attempted to save my shoes. unfortunately the shoes grooves where too deep and feces was squished all the way up in their... i did everything i could, there was no hope. funeral services were short, the right shoe is still greiving, donations are welcome to help find a replacement :) of course what didn't help was the fact that i was gagging the entire time and i just said 'ef it knowing it was unsaveable, i figured it gives me a reason to buy another pair of shoes. so i moved onto the floormat which faired far better than my shoes.

however, that evening jr made me feel so much better by telling me the story of how she passed out at the wedding she attended over the weekend, where she was a bridesmaid, oh, how i would ahve paid to see that, lcukily there are pictures (not of her passed out, but w/ lopsided hair after the fall) good times!

go see sky high, it's so fun! kq and i want to see it again so if anyone wants to come along!

also, i know i said i couldn't go to ml's b-day bash, i may just have to re-invite myself as ka said the real party won't start until later in the evening as the wedding i have is at 5:30, so i will do my best to come, especially since i let everyone down and didn't show up at the party in mb this past weekend, sorry! all of the sudden i realised i have a very busy weekend!

oh another weird thing, as i was driving home last week this family in a mini van was string at me. now i know you don't see perfection everyday, but take a picture. so they wave at me, i wave back completely confused and baffled as towhat is going on, well hopefully i made their day. maybe they thought i was a celebrity? speaking of celebs, i saw florence henderson (aka mrs. brady) at my local cpk! and speaking of cpk (aow look at me stringing things together so well) kq and i had lunch there today and were waited on by a dreamer waiter who we'll call h, he was dreamy mcdreamerson. he had the most beautiful brown eyes, and when he looked into my eyes i wanted to melt, kq will vouch for me and also let you know how tongue tied i got whenever he would speak to us. (not that anyhitng would ever happen mind you, but hey, if he flirted w/ me i'd flirt back) and kq, just so you know we'll be eating there everyday this week so that we can get his schedule down:).

so i ordered "pretty cheapo", thanks for the input, man overstock is slow at getting things to you. i ordered it last week! grr.

oh and the sotw is: don't let it go to your head by fefe dobson. i loved her self titled first album and have been looking forward to a new song from her and she didn't disappoint, fefe i love thee! this amazing single is available on itunes for the low-low price of just $.99!! her first album is also available, as well as the single don't go (boys and girls) which you must get!

and i have to get up early and need to go to sleep. so until next time:

go banana, don't cha know! (wtf, apparently i'm channelling the midwest... i get it from my mother!)